But, alas, I do my best.

I read on the train to and from work each day (with a commute that ranges from 40 minutes to nearly two hours, depending on where I catch the train, where I’m headed, and what day of the week it is (weekends have no express trains…booooo). Though admittedly, and this week specifically, I’ve found myself caught in conversation for many of my train rides which, though perhaps more enjoyable than reading in crowded but solitary silence, is not conducive to finishing a book with any specific degree of expedience.

However, I will tell you this: Crosley’s rhythm of speech (or, rather, writing) and turns of phrases have left me the annoying guy, laughing on the train during what is, for many, a 6am commute. My fellow passengers may hate me, but I’m really loving this book.

I am now contently working on Sloane Crosley’s I Was Told There’d Be Cake. I haven’t gotten too far into the book yet, but I’m enjoying it so far. Her wit is quick and she has a terrific way of describing things and inserting mini-stories into the already short stories. For instance, in a longer story about sleep-away camp and the lice infestation that arose therein, she ticked off the items which she was forced to incinerate, which included, “an amiable stuffed rabbit named Bruce, whose hobbies included warding off ghosts and being thrown at snoring girls.”

In that one moment, though referring to instances otherwise unmentioned elsewhere in the story, the reader is brought into the life of a cabin-dwelling 10-year-old in the middle of the night, and all the maleficent forces that conspire to rob one of sleep. The sentence (or rather, part of a sentence…there is more than one such gem in that singular sentence, alone) also conveys a child’s love for and attachment to a stuffed animal which, for anyone who has ever had or been a child (which should be most of us) is simultaneously intrinsic and ethereal.

Another shining aspect of these stories, for me, personally, is that the writer is unabashedly Jewish and relates of her parents in an according manner. It may seem strange to use the word “unabashed” in describing someone’s discussion of their faith, but for all of you people out there who have never felt the isolation on December 25th and the rest of the year as countless characters in the movies, on TV and in books talk in a manner that embraces a faith that is not your own, I can tell you with a certain degree of delight that there is something indescribably comfortable about being able to relate to a character with whom you have such a defining quality in common – something for which, it seems from my potentially damned perspective, Christians too often take for granted (it being the norm for them, and all).

No, Crosley doesn’t just mention that she is Jewish in passing, but rather embraces it as a pivotal aspect of her character’s background and motivation, which I quite enjoy.

It’s not often that I give up on a book. Partially, that’s because it’s not often that my intuition on whether or not I’ll like it winds up failing me. But fail it has. Though everyone I know has give The Zombie Survival Guide rave reviews, I’m going out on a limb, against the grain, and saying that, y’know what, world? It’s not for me.

I think the concept of the book – the premise, that is – is hilarious. Unfortunately, the book takes itself so seriously that, beyond the first chuckle, it just reads like an actual survival guide, be it for surviving the wilderness or the concrete jungle.

So rather than punish myself by forcing myself to endure the entire book, cover-to-cover (a side note: one friend recommended skipping around, but even that didn’t help), I’ve simply put it down, placed it in my BookSwim return bag, and picked up the next book. That’s one of the things I love most about BookSwim: I don’t feel as though I just wasted $14 on a book I won’t even read once.

Even though I just finished a David Sedaris‘ book, I received Holidays on Ice in my latest package and, with only three short stories to go before I finish the book (I’d read most of this pint-sized collection a few years ago), I figured I’d feel less like a quitter and more like I’m accomplishing something if I go on ahead and polish this one off. I’m just a few pages from finished already and, as always, Sedaris fails to disappoint.

I suppose I’ll have to take the guide’s sequel, World War Z, out of my rental pool.

All that said, I’ve begun reading Max Brooks‘ The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead. It’s a heartwarming tale of how to survive the imminent rise of undead flesh-eaters. Real dinner-table stuff.

I’m still in the early portion of the book which defines what zombies are, how they came to be, how they differ from the living and how they spread their kind. I assume that, once I have been fully explained the parameters of this zombie-filled world, the pacing will pick up a little bit and leave some of the redundancy of this earlier portions behind (which I accept as necessary, given the format of this unique tome).

It should also be noted that, while Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is my hands-down favorite book of all time (is my inner nerd showing?), this book is wholly different as it is not a book about a guide, so much as an actual guidebook.

I will leave you this week with a teaser from the back of the book: The top 10 lessons for surviving a zombie attack: 1. Organize before they rise! 2. They feel no fear, why should you? 3. Use your head: cut off theirs. 4. Blades don’t need reloading. 5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair. 6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it. 7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike. 8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert! 9. No place is safe, only safer. 10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

On second thought, I will leave you with a zombie-themed song by my friend, Jonathan Coulton: Re: Your Brains.

Now, I had promised that this week’s column would see the final wrap-up of my Omnivore’s Dilemma writings, having finally finished the book after roughly 6 months and about 4 other books in the interim. I had mentioned that a few friends of mine were also either reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma or had already read it, and that I wanted to get their take on the book before closing the book on…well, the book.

I did have a chance to touch base, to varying degrees, with these friends, and here are their thoughts:

My favorite book editor, who had initially recommended I read the book, felt that, felt it was incredibly informative and a great book to recommend (as had been done for her, in the first place), though also an incredibly dense read. I have to agree, since I honestly couldn’t read too much at a time. I mean, I really had to digest the book in much smaller pieces. Where she mostly skimmed the final part of the book, I felt the obligation to accomplish this daunting task of a tome, and actually give the end the same level of attentiveness I had given its prior chapters. In any case, we both agreed that, though a tough and wordy read at times The Omnivore’s Dilemma was well worth the effort.

A holistic nutritionist with whom I am acquainted expressed that, though she’s glad the book is out there, and that people are reading it – learning more about the food they consume – much of the information therein is flatly wrong. I haven’t been able to follow up with her to find out exactly what, but this is the same person that crusades against soy and alfalfa sprouts as unhealthy foods. In any case, she too skimmed through the latter part of the book.

Finally, I called up one of my oldest friends who is, at present, studying for her degree in nutrition (forgive me my foible that I can’t recall whether this will be her second bachelor’s degree or whether this is for a graduate program). I had recommended the book to her when I was a mere hundred-or-so pages in. She answered the phone as though I had woken her from a deep sleep…at 8:45 in the evening. I apologized and excused myself only for her to call me back, wide awake, a few minutes later. Before I could bring up the subject of how she enjoyed (or didn’t enjoy) the book, she said, “I don’t know what happened. I must have fallen asleep. One minute I was reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma, and the next it was three hours later and my phone was ringing.” Yes, folks, the book actually put her to sleep. I am telling you: It. Is. Dense! Time will tell how she will feel about the book upon its conclusion, but for the time being, she is heartily enjoying smaller, more digestible (pun intended) portions of the book, mostly patiently – though, at times, frustratingly – as she collects one more fascinating tid-bit after another.

Final conclusion: I recommend the book, but I recommend it as a good book-on-the-side. Take all the time you need to read it, enjoying other books at the same time. You will finish it when you finish it, and you will have learned a great deal about the food you and everyone you know eats…at which point you may wish you didn’t. Michael Pollan, thank you for taking the time. I just wish you hadn’t taken so much of mine, as well.

a few days since finishing The Omnivore’s Dilemma, I have yet to have that conversation with my friends who have also survived Mr. Pollan’s opus (see what I did there? Oh, the cleverness of me). I hope to in the coming week to report back and finish up my writing about the tome in next week’s column.

In the meantime, I’ve been taking a break before starting The Zombie Survival Guide to work on polishing off a book I started a few months ago but never finished, Al Franken’s Oh, the Things I Know! A Guide to Success, or, Failing That, Happiness. It’s more of a pamphlet in the Thomas Paine sense of the word, and widely unread as it is not one of his more popular political books like Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right (which I have also read, along with two other books by Franken).

I suppose I’ve been motivated to complete this half-finished book by Franken’s recent election to the US Senate, representing the state of Minnesota. It was a long and drawn out process and, at the time of this post, I’m not even sure if the recount has been certified or if Franken has been sworn into office. In fact, his opponent, incumbent Norm Coleman, still has suits pending regarding the recount in hopes the election may still go in his favor.

I’m not going to comment on any of that, however, because as it pertains to this particularly apolitical book, I just think Al Franken is terrific comic. So, no matter what your political affiliation, if you want a good laugh at how certainly not to live your life, this may be the book for you. And for those of you who would like to see Franken go all the way to the White House some day, he wrote that farce 8 years ago: Why Not Me?: The Inside Story of the Making and Unmaking of the Franken Presidency.

Politics aside, with chapters like “Oh, The Mistakes You’ll Keep Repeating,” “Oh, The Advice You Should Ignore,” and “Oh, Are You Going to Hate Your First Job,” Oh, The Things I Know is a fun and quick read, and a pleasant diversion from the non-stop 24-hour news channels’ depressing coverage of what’s in store. And tune in next week for the my concluding discussion on The Omnivore’s Dilemma.

In follow-up news, how’s the New Year’s Resolution working out so far?

I’ve spent 11 hours of the past 48 on a bus, and let me tell you, I got some reading done! I am currently on the last chapter of The Omnivore’s Dilemma, determined to finish by the end of my Maryland weekend. Most recently, I’ve been reading about hunting and gathering. As author, Michael Pollan, goes pig hunting and mushroom foraging, he goes to great lengths to deal with the experiences in a manner that brings the reader into the adventure while remaining remarkably unbiased in his description, all of which is fascinating. I like reading to learn, and this books is full of painfully interesting facts about the food we eat, don’t eat, and eat but probably shouldn’t

Three of my friends (of which I know) have also read this book (who who recommended it to me, one who, as a nutritionist, I guess correctly had read it, and one to whom I recommended the book when I began reading it, way back in August – to be fair, I’ve read four other books since that time, as well). I’m looking forward to finishing the book and having the opportunity to discuss it with them, to get other people’s perspectives. In next week’s column, I’ll have a chance to talk about that a little bit, as well as whatever new book I’ve started (hopefully The Zombie Survival Guide).