Hello readers and writers. My name is Nick Ruffilo and I am the CIO/CTO of BookSwim.com (this great website). I come to you to decide the fate of some very personal details of my life.
My life has been very much career- and education- focused, although I’ve always thought myself a romantic and a writer. And now here is where I am going to ask for your advice. I’ve toyed with being a writer many times in the past, and have written a few short stories, but none of which I was very proud. About 2 years ago, I completed a book of which I was extremely proud. The book was my proposal to my now-wife. My wife is an avid reader and has a book with her at all times (in fact, her purses are filled with books, often 3 or more each). While the courtship of my relationship may not be epic or movie-worthy, it was a bit more eventful than your average “boy meets girl” adventure. In fact, I chased her for nearly 7 years while she kept rejecting me. But, I loved her so deeply that I never let her rejections drive me away and I kept her close until she finally gave me a chance…
The book is about the journey from the first moment we met until the moment where she first gave me a chance. Throughout the 7 years, there were many close-calls with my wife and me, and I share my emotions during the whole journey. Near the end of my chase, I actually employed a few of my friends to help me design the greatest seduction. The book talks about the planning of this conquest as well as the follow through and its many blunders. It is a semi-poetic musing of my emotional journey and never-dying love.
So to all you readers and writers - I ask you - should I publish my proposal book to the world?
I will be reading every response, so please, post your comments as I am torn. There are quite a few personal and intimate details of my life, yet there is a sense that allowing others to see that side of me may be good. Also - as extra incentive to comment - if I do end up publishing, I will give a free copy away to a random commenter.
Thank you all for reading, and I do hope you comment and cast your vote.
Well, I think it depends on how well it’s written. I’d give it to a half dozen people who know good writing and books, and have the time to read it, (not your family and bff’s) and see what they say. You could pray about it and talk to your wife about it and if it’s not clear, then I’d say try to sell it and if you do, there’s your answer, and if you don’t, then maybe that wasn’t meant to be and start on your next book, this time with the hope of publication in mind.
As an avid reader myself, I can honestly tell you that we love romance - even moreso when it’s realistic. We want to believe that it could happen to us. The fact that your novel is a true story it makes it that much more appealing. If some of the details are too personal, then you can either decide to change them, keep them out altogether, or maybe not publish the book at all (though I fear it would be a loss to the romance literary community if you didn’t). Ultimately, it is a choice for you and your wife to make, but (as someone who is writing a book based on her own real life love story), my vote is yes.
To be honest? I think you should send it out to agents. Novels like this sell pretty well. Just look at Nicholas Sparks- he wrote his The Notebook based on his grandparents love for each other.
I’m all for publishing in one sense as it’s going to serve as a sweet reminder and may inspire poignant thought in others. I also feel that I PERSONALLY wouldn’t, because I am a bit more guarded about those types of feelings then I know you to be. If you and Mel are okay with it then I say do what you feel.
Publish!
The privacy decision should be yours, not the internet’s! You can get advice by putting an excerpt and asking about quality, but as another person said, you might want a more qualified opinion.
By the way, congratulations on the marriage!!!
Hey Nick,
I think you should publish it so long as both you and Mel are ok with it. Just remember that by publishing it, the privacy about that part of your life is no longer in your control. But if you don’t mind that fact, I’d say go for it and send me a copy!
Are you ready to have an agent and editor scrutinize it in every possible way? Are you prepared to make changes, possibly substantial changes, to make it into something saleable?
The problem/caveat with publishing something this personal is that it will not be your “baby” anymore. It won’t be published in the exact same shape and form it had when you wooed your lady with it. It will inevitably be a slightly different book. Can you live with that?
If the book as-it-is is dear to you (and I’m sure it must be), I would be wary of letting go of it and let someone pick around in it. As much as it sounds like a wonderfully romantic story, you have to decide how personal it is, not just its contents (personal feelings, happenings, individuals) but also the book itself from first page to last. Do you want to keep it intact like a shrine of your love – or are you ready to let it go and transform into a novel that others can enjoy as well?
Everybody loves a beautiful love story which is what it sounds like you have written & for that matter lived. It would probably be quiet inspiring to many people and as someone else pointed out look at Nicholas Sparks book about his Grandparents. But I’d also say have some people read it who you know will be completely honest with you & know about writing/publishing & take their feedback to heart, if you decide you want to publish it. If it gets published it will be an amazing, wonderful & sometimes heart-wrenching ride just like your courtship was - so keep that in mind as you make your decision.
on the one hand, people love this kind of memoir/novel/truelove thing. it would probably do very well within a particular market. but then it becomes a product. it gets sent out in a box and shelved, and people take it to the cafe and spill coffee on it and it falls off the shelf and gets stepped on and its just a book. will it hurt you if you see it on the shelf at the salvation army someday? for me it would. writers have to have supertough skin, and with a story like this that is deeply personal, i would personally hesitate. but at the end of the day, it is up to your wife, naturally.
[...] Nick, who also happens to be the proprietor of BookSwim, the book rental company, is asking for people’s thoughts and opinions on whether or not he should try to publish a rather personal book that he wrote to his [...]
Hey Nick,
Like others have mentioned, just be absolutely sure you and Melissa are fine knowing that intimate details of your personal life are out in the open for the world to read about. If you are, are you don’t fancy the thought (as others have mentioned) of a publisher possibly toying around and changing your story into what they consider a more marketable product, there’s always self-publishing, though it’s probably a bit more expensive to do.
In any case, be 100% sure that you and Melissa are fine with every detail in the book winding up on the internet for everyone in the world to know. Everything always does it seems.
I think you should publish. Obviously, you are innovative (look at Bookswim) and you sound very intelligent. If you dont mind people knowing that intimate side of your relationship and you feel that it would make a great book, I say Go For It! What do you really have to lose? I can tell you, as an avid reader myself, that I personally love romance novels. Also, if Melissa is OK with it, too. Good luck and I wish you best!