A Little Too Much Of A Good Thing, A Book Review of Mother of My Mother, the Intricate Bond Between Generations by Hope Edelman, Publisher, The Dial Press, Random House, Inc. 1999, pages 268.
The personal narrative launches the book, as Ms. Edelman recounts her relationships with her grandmother and her mother. Though the topic sounded intriguing, I opened this pop psychology book as a skeptic. I was immediately impressed with the author's ability to write. Her tight, well- honed and descriptive use of language lent ease and interest to me, as a reader.
Throughout the book, Ms. Edelman uses her "story" as an anchor. This device breaks up the monotony of the soft clinical research and conversely the facts reduce any tedium from the repetitive return to the author's recounting of her experience and that of her "examples". In doing it acts as a catalyst to trigger the memory of one's childhood, one's grandmother(s) and mother(s).
Once meandering with the author refreshed my memory, I was given insight, tools for self-awareness and self-help by the author. These were offered in an effort to assist the reader in sense of one's past, present and future; great clarity gained through understanding of core familial relationships.
She pinpointed four specific types of grandmother/matriarchs: Benevolent Manipulator "whose love for her family is matched only by her desire for control"; Gentle Giant "who possesses a quiet, behind-the-scenes power, the kind of elder whose very presence elicits awe and respect"; Autocrat, "who rules her extended family like a despot.... which members acting out of fear of her anger or loss of her affection": Kinkeeper "the hub of the family wheel, acting as its social, cultural, or religious center and offering a sense of cohesion to the extended clan". All of these examples included specific family histories to illustrate this character type and her impact upon her granddaughter.
The concept of "health" is outlined as "a system characterized mainly by co-operation, honesty, respect, and appropriate boundaries. Whether or not a triangle includes these elements depends in large part on the type of relationship the grandmother and mother share. When their relationship is balanced-meaning it's neither overly enmeshed nor emotionally disengaged and remains relatively free of competition, conflict, and resentment-the triangle is stable enough to absorb adversity in other bonds."
Unfortunately, in spite of the interesting topic, and Ms. Edelman's skill as a writer and raconteur, the numerous exemplary stories and remembrances after remembrance finally became too much; the excess bogged Mother of My Mother, the Intricate Bond Between Generations down. By the end, everything melded together. Though the book had many interesting points, and I was glad to have gained acquaintance with this author, I was also happy to part company with Hope Edelman and legions of exemplary characters.
