Nurtureshock will change the way you think about and raise your kids. Looking outside the box instead of within, Nurtureshock brings to light tings that are right in front of our noses. As the mother of two teenagers, I found the chapter on teen rebellion especially interesting. If you have more than one child and they fight and argue (and they will), there is a chapter about that too.

You don't need to be a parent to read this book. You had parents and the way things were done in the past is almost a distant memory. With technology these days, kids are subjected to all sorts of impressions from internet, TV, music and much more. Nurtureshock will explain why most children lie or why praising children can be harmful.

Nurtureshock is a very insightful book. Sure there are areas I agree to disagree with the authors, but that is wht makes a psychology book great. There are also areas I was nodding my head in agreement. I highly recommend this book!

I am a certified bilingual teacher; I teach English as well as piano lessons and do a generous amount of substitute teaching. So when I saw this book, I was eager to read it.

The book has a preface, introduction, ten chapters, and a conclusion. Briefly speaking, the chapters are:

1. THE INVERSE POWER OF PRAISE. The authors state that piling on praise to children about their intelligence may have an inverse effect on their academic progress.
2. THE LOST HOUR. The authors posit that lack of sleep could be responsible for children's and adolescents' academic struggles, moodiness and even obesity! (Surprised? So was I.) Also they mentioned the "Tools of the Mind" curriculum which is apparently doing wonders for kids' academic success.
3. WHY PARENTS DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE.. They claim that young children are more racially aware than we think and that parents DO need to talk to their children about it.
4. WHY KIDS LIE. This chapter debunks stereotypes we have about children's lying (e.g., girls lie less, little kids lie less, introverts lie more - all false). It's a revealing study into children's and lies and even shows how much of it they learn from us adults!
5. THE SEACH FOR INTELLIGENT LIFE IN KINDERGARTEN. This offers up the idea that we often test children for gifted and talented programs too early, and leave out the intellectual late bloomers. The information on the development of children's and adolescents' brains alone is worth the price of the whole book.
6. THE SIBLING EFFECT. This does a different take on the idea that "only" children are less socialized. And get this - they show that a child's relationship with his/her BEST FRIEND is often a good predictor of how (s)he will get along with siblings.
7. .THE SCIENCE OF TEEN REBELLION: The authors suggest that adolescents see arguments with adults as a sign of respect, not disrespect, and a sign of being honest. Some of their ideas about the most effective parents will be surprising.
8. CAN SELF CONTROL BE TAUGHT? The authors claim that the assertion of self-control being a "fixed" trait.may not be true - it may be something that can be developed.
9. PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS. This is a surprising study of aggression. They suggest that aggression is not always the exclusive property of bullies. In fact, the so-called "popular kids" will often use kindness and aggression in balanced forms to maintain control.
10. WHY HANNAH TALKS AND ALYSSA DOESN'T. This delves into why some children learn to speak more fluently and easily before others do. It questions the value of some of the "baby learning" programs on the market today, and discusses five ways that parents can help their children as they learn to speak.

The conclusion ties together many different ends together, and again, a lot of conventional ideas are challenged here. But the answers the authors give are logical when you think of them.

Having said this, I want to share some personal reactions to this book.

A. I agree that it can be counter productive to praise kids for their intelligence under certain circumstances. Even children with high IQs need to apply themselves and work hard to learn. Praising their efforts rather than native intelligence is better because it positively rewards something over which they have control (effort and persistence) than something over which they have less control (IQ in numbers). However, once in a while I think it's good to let a child know that you think (s)he is smart. It certainly is better than commenting on how "dumb" (s)he is, which, incidentally, a lot of parents DO tell their children. For some reason, this wasn't mentioned.

I was not surprised and the mention of the counter-productive emphasis on "self esteem." Yes, emphasis on self-esteem to the exclusion of responsibility can be wrong. But I was surprised that they mention Nathaniel Branden's book THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF-ESTEEM as the reason this all got started. Dr. Branden, a former associate of Objectivist philosopher-writer Ayn Rand, does not believe in short cuts to bolster a weak self-esteem. For Branden, self-esteem is the confidence made on the basis of conscious living, self-acceptance, responsibility for our experiences, healthy self-assertion as well as purposeful living with integrity. In fact, if we teach self-esteem the way Dr. Branden teaches it, I'm sure all children - including us grown up ones - would benefit greatly.

B. Their take on corporal punishment. They seem to feel that it doesn't always have a bad effect on children - which may be true. They mention, among other things, Dr. Dobson's approach. While Dr. Dobson's books on discipline have received many good reviews on Amazon, there have also been a lot of negative ones - and some of them by people who were raised according to his advice. Plain and simple, it works for some kids and not for others. Perhaps this needs to be researched more.

In all, I found NURTURE SHOCK to be a very worthwhile reading experience, and I plan to re-read it a lot. And the first thing I would like to do is to check out the TOOLS OF THE MIND curriculum. That sounds exciting!

Excellent book that covers a wide range of topics, all on children and parenting. Read with an open mind, and be aware of the illuminating power of as well as the limitations of research. This is a book that's very broad in its coverage. It attempts to cover, in one chapter each, an aspect of child development, citing plenty of research done in recent times to support arguments and theories put forward. Each chapter covers a topic - confidence, sleep, lying, racial attitudes, intelligence, sibling conflict, teen rebellion, self-control, aggression, gratitude, and the acquisition of language. Existing theories are explained, and new emerging research is cited and used to explain each topic. The wide variety of topics covered also means that parents will have plenty of material to go over, irrespective of how old their children are, and while teenagers are not likely to pick this book up, it would help them also a lot.

A note of caution. Just as new research and advances in neuroscience are contradicting and overturning some long held beliefs about children and child development, it is possible that subsequent research in the coming years may disprove, correct, or maybe even validate some of the theories emerging today and outlined in this book. So, an open mind is really called for here. Know past theories, read about the current research, and try and not be dogmatic about what you accept and what you reject. And at the end of the day, parenting is a lot about patience, something that children are exceptionally adept at sucking out of parents.

The title of the book is explained in the Introduction itself -
"'Nurture shock,' as the term is generally used, refers to the panic - common among new parents - that the mythical fountain of knowledge is not magically kicking in at all."

There seems to be an overabundance of writing these days on what it takes to excel, on talent, genius, and the like. 'Outliers' by Gladwell is one recent popular example. The first chapter in this book, "The Inverse Power of Praise", covers this topic from a slightly different but related angle, when the authors write about the difference between praising innate talent and praising effort. "Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control," she explains. "They come to see themselves as in control of their own success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and it provides no good receipe for responding to a failure." ... "those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. [italics] I am smart, the kids' reasoning goes; [italics] I don't need to put out effort.

The chapter on lying could be the most uncomfortable for parents, since it raises uncomfortable questions about how often, why, and when children lie. If there is an upside to a child's lying, it could be that "A child who is going to lie must recognize the truth, intellectually conceive of an alternate reality, and be able to convincingly sell the new reality to someone else. Therefore, lying demands both advanced cognitive development and social skills that honesty simply doesn't require." Some comfort. Children use lying in different ways too - as children to avoid punishment, by school age it includes empathy and manipulation, in elementary school as a coping mechanism.